Blog 3 of 5 – Sharing load with other members of your household

 

Blog 3 – Sharing load with other members of your household

I wanted to make this blog about how to share the load at home but it seems to have turned into a bit of a feminist, man-hating rant haha – I hope you enjoy…

 

 

For men to subscribe to equality, they need to come to terms with unpaid labour, also known as the care of the children, housework, home duties and ironing. The unpaid labour gap needs to be closed and centuries of stereotypes that say men aren’t any good at this need to stop.

Men are not helping with housework, they are sharing responsibilities of the house they live in.

Pitching in.

Sharing is caring.

Make a point of saying: we are going to do this together. You do the shower while he does the toilet.

Housework is not difficult, it’s just boring and anyone can be good at it.

Even men.

  

 

If you have high housework standards, you need stop that right now. It will end sadly. Men love approval. No matter how poorly they’ve done praise them. Accept their standards, even if they are terrible. Do not come to rescue. You are helping build confidence and skills they can use all their lives.

What you do at the beginning of the relationship will be for life – So start as you mean to go on as it will only get worse with kids added to the mix. Function as a team, because the most important thing is how you work together, not what other people think.

Make it work for your team.

 

 

Among straight couples, even when men do equal work carrying out household chores, women still bear a larger part of the “mental load” keeping track of those chores. Remembering the shopping and bills, organizing lunchboxes and much more. It’s utterly exhausting and overwhelming. It also creates an invisible hierarchy where men feel like employees of the manager of the household chores.

Emma French comic artist Emma brilliantly addresses the problem of mental load here:

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

Seven tips for sharing the load:

  1. Hold a family meeting to build awareness of the “invisible” mental loads. Discuss them in a friendly info sharing manner not during a fight which is what normally happens. Take responsibility for your tasks and do them so they can’t be used as ammunition and make you feel like an employee being reprimanded, when you’re reminded!!
  2. Anticipate needs, plan ahead of time and don’t wait for reminders. Example: If the floor needs to be mopped, don’t wait to be asked, do it.
  3. If you have a bad memory write a list, use the calendar or notes on your phone. Set alarms and reminders.
  4. Put the kids to work – Upskill, build their confidence and lighten your load
  5. Be flexible and comfortable with swapping chores – The more you know the more you can handle in a crisis situation. Examples: Flu, gastro, stuck in traffic
  6. Depending on your budget, employ a weekly cleaner, babysitter or a dog walker to free up more time.
  7. Share passwords and phone numbers so banking, bill paying and making doctor or dentist appointments is not on one person

Wishing you luck with sharing the load my friends – Here’s to happy endings…

Kerry xx